[ Her expression shifts into something more vulnerable, an uncertainty that eats at her. ]
I've tried. I've trained a lot and pushed myself... And I really thought... Well, if it's emotions based, then I was sure that with everything that happened with the monster attack and the supply runs would have done it. It was pretty high stress... More than that, actually. Which is part of the reason I needed to figure it out, I didn't want a repeat of how bad things went and--
Well it's probably not triggered by stress then, you dummy. You should've asked me sooner.
I know... a lot of people say stress or emotions running high is what worked for them. But it's not like that for everyone. Not-- for me, for example. Or... sometimes it's really specific. Like you gotta meet a certain set of conditions.
When the monsters attacked, I thought that was it. That was the time for something to happen, for it to all finally fit into place. But it didn't. I just made it worse. So I tried more. I tried to protect everyone and help as much as I could, but I failed that too. I stopped doing anything but the runs, because-- because I had to. Because I couldn't be who I was supposed to be for these people. I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping or-- or eating or anything while there were people out there being mauled that I should have been able to--
I could barely even walk anymore. I was seeing things, and could barely think. But I still kept going. I needed to. Ren tried to talk to me, tried to make me see that I was going too far, but I just...I screamed at him. I flipped out on him and then I couldn't breathe and I passed out. Right there on the ground, in the middle of a run people were depending on me getting done. He had to carry me back, Catra.
[ Her gut clenches in shame at the memory. Weak. Useless. ]
I've tried-- so hard.
[ Her voice breaks, and Adora buries her face in her hands, curling into herself on the counter as a strangled sob finally escapes her. ]
And nothing works. I can't do anything. I don't have She-Ra. I don't have a power. I don't have anything.
[ Tentatively, Catra reaches out a hand between them, but for a moment it just hovers in the air. Like she's unsure what to do, or unsure if the gesture will be accepted. She's not-- used to this. To playing the person who helps. That's always someone else's role. Not hers.
But there's no one else here now. Just her and Adora, the person she cares most about in the entire world, despite everything. Despite desperately wishing she didn't care. She does, damn it all, and she doesn't want to see Adora like this any more than Adora wants to be like this.
So she finally reaches out the rest of the way, putting a hand on Adora's shoulder. It might not be much, but for Catra, it's a lot. ]
... Hey. Look at me.
[ And she puts some extra oomph into her words there. She's never used her power on Adora before, but it's there now-- the tiniest compulsion to stop what she's doing and look at Catra instead. Catra holds up a hand then, one finger in the air. ]
First up. Even if you didn't have a power... it wouldn't mean anything. Got it? You're still you. I lasted twenty years and climbed to the top of the Horde, and I never had any dumb power to help me do it. Your worth as a person isn't... I dunno. Dependent on how many people you can save, or whatever other dumb crap you think it is.
[ Then she raises another finger. ]
Second of all. There hasn't been a single Displaced to date who's never had a power. Everyone has one. Everyone. Bar no one. So stop-- freaking out, and trust that I'm gonna help you figure it out. Okay?
[ She's not expecting the flood of relief that overtakes her at Catra's reassurance.
It's still hard sometimes, after all this time, being vulnerable around Catra again. Being vulnerable with anyone feels impossible sometimes, but after everything they've been through, maybe a part of her still expects Catra to snatch it up and turn it against her.
Adora raises her head to look at Catra without thought or effort, still curling in on herself, but not feeling like she's going to break down and cry, at least. ]
[ Catra frowns for a moment, thinking. The thought "What would Entrapta do," traitorously crosses her mind, and she tries to banish it, but without much luck.
Entrapta would probably make some crazy bot to test out her theories.
Or-- no. On the small scale, there was always a method to her madness. Approach things logically and scientifically. ]
... Let's start with a list. Write down all the things you've tried that hasn't worked. There's no point in retreading old ground and only getting more frustrated. We need a process of elimination.
[ It takes barely a minute to do that in their tiny apartment, and once she has to it, Adora gestures for Catra to come sit with her on the couch.
She starts the list, and while it grows quickly (fighting, stress, training, arguments with important people, panic) it's all clearly geared towards some kind of aggression or brute strength that Adora has always fallen back on. ]
I really thought the monster attack would have done it.
[ Catra plonks herself down beside Adora on the couch, getting settled. She raises an eyebrow at "Arguments with important people," but doesn't say anything... for once. ]
Hm. [ She scans the list once Adora's done. ] Well, we can probably rule out offensive powers, since it hasn't been triggered by fighting or adrenaline.
It's probably something with a really specific activation trigger... I know mine was.
[ She brings her knees up to her chest at the question though, hugging them a bit, defensive. ]
It took me more than a few tries. I'd get the blue glow a lot, but nothing would happen. It only activated when I got frustrated, but specifically when I felt someone wasn't listening to me, or I wanted their attention.
So you can make people pay attention and listen to you...because you were upset that they don't.
[ mmm Catra hates pity but
Adora isn't really surprised. ]
If it's not fighting or offensive for me...I don't know. I'm good at plans? Though no one ever wants to stick to them. I guess I'm good at giving orders. Um... I'm good at taking orders. I can make maps. I'm strong...
[ it doesn't feel like it narrows anything down, though. ]
[ Adora stands this time, hands on her hips and fighting the twitch of a smile and trying to sound as commanding as possible. ]
Catra, do your dishes. Clean your fur off the bed. Do your own laundry. Wipe off your feet when you come inside, and stop getting dirty footprints on the window sill.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-09-26 08:09 am (UTC)[ Catra zooms in through a window somewhere, not long after. ]
Yo.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 01:58 am (UTC)[ She digs out the last fruit snack and holds it out in offer. ]
Also, we do have a front door you know.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 02:23 am (UTC)[ She waves a hand as if to say "About as well as can be expected." She doesn't really seem interested in chatting about her day. ]
Rooftops are faster. Everyone on street level walks so slowly. And it's not like back home. They don't just get outta my way when they see me coming.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 08:07 am (UTC)[ Alright, no more beating around the bush. ]
So... How do I get this stupid chest glowing to start?
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 08:11 am (UTC)[ A beat. Then-- ]
Wait. You've seriously never even so much as gotten even a little glow?
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 08:16 am (UTC)[ Her expression shifts into something more vulnerable, an uncertainty that eats at her. ]
I've tried. I've trained a lot and pushed myself... And I really thought... Well, if it's emotions based, then I was sure that with everything that happened with the monster attack and the supply runs would have done it. It was pretty high stress... More than that, actually. Which is part of the reason I needed to figure it out, I didn't want a repeat of how bad things went and--
[ She's rambling. ]
I. No. I haven't.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 08:21 am (UTC)I know... a lot of people say stress or emotions running high is what worked for them. But it's not like that for everyone. Not-- for me, for example. Or... sometimes it's really specific. Like you gotta meet a certain set of conditions.
1/2
Date: 2020-09-27 08:34 am (UTC)[ She looks down at her hands, clenching and unblenching them in her lap.
Her voice is small as she asks-- ]
Catra. What if I don't have one? What if here I'm just...this? What if--
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 08:52 am (UTC)I could barely even walk anymore. I was seeing things, and could barely think. But I still kept going. I needed to. Ren tried to talk to me, tried to make me see that I was going too far, but I just...I screamed at him. I flipped out on him and then I couldn't breathe and I passed out. Right there on the ground, in the middle of a run people were depending on me getting done. He had to carry me back, Catra.
[ Her gut clenches in shame at the memory. Weak. Useless. ]
I've tried-- so hard.
[ Her voice breaks, and Adora buries her face in her hands, curling into herself on the counter as a strangled sob finally escapes her. ]
And nothing works. I can't do anything. I don't have She-Ra. I don't have a power. I don't have anything.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-27 09:46 am (UTC)[ Tentatively, Catra reaches out a hand between them, but for a moment it just hovers in the air. Like she's unsure what to do, or unsure if the gesture will be accepted. She's not-- used to this. To playing the person who helps. That's always someone else's role. Not hers.
But there's no one else here now. Just her and Adora, the person she cares most about in the entire world, despite everything. Despite desperately wishing she didn't care. She does, damn it all, and she doesn't want to see Adora like this any more than Adora wants to be like this.
So she finally reaches out the rest of the way, putting a hand on Adora's shoulder. It might not be much, but for Catra, it's a lot. ]
... Hey. Look at me.
[ And she puts some extra oomph into her words there. She's never used her power on Adora before, but it's there now-- the tiniest compulsion to stop what she's doing and look at Catra instead. Catra holds up a hand then, one finger in the air. ]
First up. Even if you didn't have a power... it wouldn't mean anything. Got it? You're still you. I lasted twenty years and climbed to the top of the Horde, and I never had any dumb power to help me do it. Your worth as a person isn't... I dunno. Dependent on how many people you can save, or whatever other dumb crap you think it is.
[ Then she raises another finger. ]
Second of all. There hasn't been a single Displaced to date who's never had a power. Everyone has one. Everyone. Bar no one. So stop-- freaking out, and trust that I'm gonna help you figure it out. Okay?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-22 07:22 am (UTC)It's still hard sometimes, after all this time, being vulnerable around Catra again. Being vulnerable with anyone feels impossible sometimes, but after everything they've been through, maybe a part of her still expects Catra to snatch it up and turn it against her.
Adora raises her head to look at Catra without thought or effort, still curling in on herself, but not feeling like she's going to break down and cry, at least. ]
...Okay. I trust you. What...should I do?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-22 07:52 am (UTC)Entrapta would probably make some crazy bot to test out her theories.
Or-- no. On the small scale, there was always a method to her madness. Approach things logically and scientifically. ]
... Let's start with a list. Write down all the things you've tried that hasn't worked. There's no point in retreading old ground and only getting more frustrated. We need a process of elimination.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-22 08:33 am (UTC)[ It takes barely a minute to do that in their tiny apartment, and once she has to it, Adora gestures for Catra to come sit with her on the couch.
She starts the list, and while it grows quickly (fighting, stress, training, arguments with important people, panic) it's all clearly geared towards some kind of aggression or brute strength that Adora has always fallen back on. ]
I really thought the monster attack would have done it.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-22 08:59 am (UTC)Hm. [ She scans the list once Adora's done. ] Well, we can probably rule out offensive powers, since it hasn't been triggered by fighting or adrenaline.
It's probably something with a really specific activation trigger... I know mine was.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-22 09:43 am (UTC)[ But she has a point. ]
How did you figure out yours?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-22 10:04 am (UTC)... You're good at lots of stuff.
[ She brings her knees up to her chest at the question though, hugging them a bit, defensive. ]
It took me more than a few tries. I'd get the blue glow a lot, but nothing would happen. It only activated when I got frustrated, but specifically when I felt someone wasn't listening to me, or I wanted their attention.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 04:31 am (UTC)[ mmm Catra hates pity but
Adora isn't really surprised. ]
If it's not fighting or offensive for me...I don't know. I'm good at plans? Though no one ever wants to stick to them. I guess I'm good at giving orders. Um... I'm good at taking orders. I can make maps. I'm strong...
[ it doesn't feel like it narrows anything down, though. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 06:12 am (UTC)Hmmm. Try to give me an order! C'mon. Something I wouldn't normally do.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 06:44 am (UTC)[ But it's worth a try. She clears her throat, facing Catra head on and concentrating on her eyes for a minute. ]
Drop and give me twenty.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 06:49 am (UTC)Wow. That was the best you could come up with?
Well, guess it's not that.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 07:05 am (UTC)[ Adora stands this time, hands on her hips and fighting the twitch of a smile and trying to sound as commanding as possible. ]
Catra, do your dishes. Clean your fur off the bed. Do your own laundry. Wipe off your feet when you come inside, and stop getting dirty footprints on the window sill.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 07:07 am (UTC)Instead, Catra just laughs some more. ]
Tempting, but nah!
1/2
Date: 2020-10-25 07:10 am (UTC)She didn't even realize just how truly rare it had become until she was hearing it again. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 07:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-25 07:26 am (UTC)Awww! It's like you know me.
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